BIWISE

Presence–Engagement Matrix (PEM)™

Making Presence, Attention, and Emotional Availability Visible and Actionable.

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What Is PEM?

The Presence–Engagement Matrix (PEM) is a practical behavioral wisdom tool that helps individuals, teams, families, and organizations understand how people show up emotionally and attentively in real interactions. PEM maps two critical human capacities that are often assumed, but rarely measured: • Presence: emotional availability, regulation, and attunement • Engagement: level of participation, attention, and involvement Together, these two dimensions determine whether interactions feel safe or tense, productive or draining, collaborative or chaotic, and connected or disconnected. PEM turns these invisible dynamics into clear, observable patterns that can be understood, discussed, and improved.

Why Presence and Engagement Matter

Most breakdowns in relationships, leadership, teamwork, and learning are not caused by lack of skill or intelligence. They happen because people are: - Physically present but emotionally absent - Engaged but emotionally reactive - Calm but disengaged - Overwhelmed, withdrawn, or misattuned Without a shared language for presence and engagement, these patterns get mislabeled as 'Attitude problems', 'Lack of motivation', or 'Resistance'. PEM reframes the issue with wisdom: Presence and engagement are states, not character flaws, and states can be understood and improved.

The PEM Quadrants (At a Glance)

PEM organizes behavior into four core patterns:

Present & Engaged

Grounded, attentive, constructive participation.

Emotionally regulatedAttentive and involvedPsychologically available

Present but Disengaged

Calm or regulated, but withdrawn or passive.

Physically presentEmotionally withheldMinimal participation

Engaged but Unregulated

Active but reactive, impulsive, or emotionally volatile.

High energyLow regulationReactive communication

Disengaged & Unpresent

Withdrawn, overwhelmed, distracted, or shut down.

Checked outUnavailableDistracted

How PEM Is Used

PEM helps identify and shift states in real-time:

1

Identify the State

Determine if the individual is Present/Unpresent and Engaged/Disengaged.

2

Understand the Impact

Recognize how this state affects safety, trust, and performance.

3

Shift the Pattern

Use regulation and attention strategies to move toward Present & Engaged.

By making presence visible, PEM creates space for wiser responses.

Who PEM Is For

Individuals

  • Build self-awareness
  • Recognize stress reactivity
  • Regulate before acting

Leaders

  • Understand team energy
  • Adjust leadership approach
  • Prevent burnout

Teams

  • Improve meeting quality
  • Reduce conflict
  • Build shared language

Families

  • Understand emotional availability
  • Reduce power struggles
  • Support regulation

Educators & Coaches

  • Adapt instruction
  • Foster psychological safety
  • Distinguish disengagement from overwhelm

Typical Outcomes from Using PEM

  • Clearer communication
  • Fewer escalations and misunderstandings
  • Improved meeting effectiveness
  • Better coaching and leadership conversations
  • Stronger emotional safety
  • Reduced burnout and disengagement

PEM helps people respond with wisdom instead of assumption.

Real Use Cases for PEM

1

Leadership Coaching

Helping leaders recognize when they are 'Engaged but Unregulated' and how it impacts their team.

2

Team Meetings

Diagnosing why a team is 'Present but Disengaged' and adjusting the environment to increase safety.

3

Family conflict

Helping parents see when a child is 'Disengaged & Unpresent' due to overwhelm rather than defiance.

PEM answers the question: Who is truly here?

How PEM Fits into the BIWISE™ Ecosystem

PEM is a foundational diagnostic tool that integrates with:

PEBA

Provides deeper behavioral analysis within PEM states.

CBM

Explains why certain behaviors emerge from these states.

RaaS

Clarifies emotional availability within roles.

POM™

Aligns presence with performance expectations.

PEM is a wisdom practice embedded in everyday interactions.

Frequently Asked Questions

Start with Presence

Performance, learning, and collaboration depend on one thing first: Presence.

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